I started my faith journey when I was a little girl. Of course, it started way before I was even born as Cali. I believe I used to be Daniel and lived in heaven for 100 years (in hell for 1 year) and then reincarnated as Cali. I believe there is room for reincarnation in Christianity, but I don’t ever want to reincarnate. I will go to heaven relatively soon compared to most people my age (God told me when I would go, but just in case it would jinx it, I’m not going to share that detail). Anyways, when I was a little girl I did JBQ (Junior Bible Quiz) and competed and even traveled for it. I remember sitting in the car with my mom and dad, and my dad asked me if I wanted to quit. I remember saying no, I don’t, why would I quit? I loved it. I memorized Bible versus, God’s word, but I didn’t really “study” God’s Word, I just memorized them. It was probably peaceful, but honestly I don’t remember what I felt. I do remember that I loved one of the teams I was competing against, Belmont, and that thus I was walking in the Lord’s LOVE, not really competing, but having an experience that would prepare me to unconsciously live a Godly life. Then we (my family) moved to Maryland, and my mom and dad stopped taking us (me and my three siblings) to church.
I was anorexic while I was growing up in middle school and highschool. I would skip lunch and run up and down the hallway staircase and throw away the lunch sandwhiches my mom dutifully made. Eventually I ended up hospitalized, and one of the girls who was there was an ex-gymnast. That brings me back to my childhood, long before I developed an unhealthy relationship with food and an unhealthy body image. Today I am taking power back and working out to be strong, not to be skinny: for what my body can do, which I realized in college while I was training martial arts. I stopped being a girl who wanted to be the skinniest girl in her world, and became a person – a womyn – who wanted to be as strong as any man, with big muscles, a loud kiai (which in martial arts, particularly Shotokan Karate, is the scream you shout when you punch and kick). Anyways, back to my childhood. I trained ballet and gymnastics when I was a little girl, and later (before I was twelve), figure skating. Back then, I didn’t call it “training”. I imagine that it was a joy.
I remember being in a gymnastics facility, and the class being divided into two different groups, and me being put in the less advanced group, which devastated my little girl heart. I also remember swinging on the uneven bars – putting my hands in the chalk, swinging from the low bar to the high bar, doing kips. I remember the dance studio that I went to and my first and only performance. I remember the ice skating rink, emulating the girls in leotards jumping and spinning, and taking classes on the ice rink with my siblings. I had healthy passions. Today I long for the opportunity to do all three again, forever. Gymnastics, dance, and figure skating are my passions. They are the healthy, whole part of me. The part of me that yearns for heaven, for peace and hope and strength. I also, of course, love martial arts, because martial arts convinced me that I didn’t want to be a 90 lb 5 foot 6 weakling (although there was a strength in my refusal to eat…it shaped my self-control, and built character, despite the fact that it was unhealthy) and decided I would rather be a lithe, 120 lb muscular martial artist, a warrior, an angel.
I remember the fat girl in the dance studio, and how desperately I didn’t want to be anything like her. Today I renounce that judgement that I have of her, and of anyone who struggle with their weight – whether they seek to lose weight or not. Today, I am working on losing fat and gaining muscle. It may be unhealthy, but I am doing it in a healthy way, going to the gym three times a week, doing gymnastics (unfortunately only basics, I don’t have access to a gymnastics facility), dance, zumba, weight lifting, and stretching. I used to do yoga, until I realized that it is hindu and that I can’t with my conscience and my love of Jesus train yoga without feeling wrong. If your heart tells you that something isn’t quite right, then maybe it isn’t right.
Back to my faith journey. When I was a senior in high school I was an obsessive academic. I applied only to ivy league schools, and schools that were almost ivy league. Because of God, I didn’t get accepted in any of them. If I went to Harvard or Yale, I never would have found martial arts, and I never would have been transformed from sick to whole: healed. Training Shotokan Karate at University of Pittsburgh, and eventually Kung Fu and Capoeira (which I traveled for) fulfilled me, and gave me the desire to gain weight. If I went to Harvard or Yale, or Juliard (I played violin and wanted to be a professional violinist. My passion for violin is diluted now and I have no desire to play violin, but I still love music and wish I appreciated my violin more than I do now. I do want to play flute and guitar and cello, and I am sure I will have the opportunity to do so in heaven), I never would have moved to Pittsburgh and found Damon, who lead me to God. Damon and I telepathically communicated, and not even realizing it, I started to pray for him. I hope today that Damon finds God somehow, that he becomes Christian, because I love him with all of my heart. Me and him have shared secrets, and I have in the past been unfaithful and shared those secrets, to my therapists, and in my writing. That however has stopped. Anyways, if there is telepathy, then there has to be a God. Later someone on facebook found me and linked me to a good friend (I didn’t know him at the time) that worked at a local church called The Upper Room, and I met up with him and started going to church every Sunday. A married couple, Josh and Katelyn, drove me to church every Sunday. Then a lot of chaotic things happened, and demons plagued me, and I ended up in a psyciatric hospital. I have been to several psychiatric hospitals, but in the second to last psychiatric hospital I was in, I died and woke up on a different earth. I can’t explain why I believe this to be true, but certain experiences in my life, and things God has done in my life, through other people and direct communication, such as lifting my soul out of my body and then gently putting it back in, holding my body while I was asleep and then when I woke gently dropping me on my bed (to show me that he can carry me to heaven), one of my lighted candles falling on my leg and then the floor and the flame not spreading, touching my skin, but not hurting or burning my skin at all.
There are so many reasons for you to believe. There are so many reasons why you should dedicate your life to God, and become a Christian. If not to avoid hell, do it because God already loves you just the way you are. Do it because he wants you to be happy, and you’ll be happier and more whole if you have a relationship with God. Just writing this, for God, took away my boredom and from my unhealthy, depressed, anxious thoughts. Do it just for the sake of believing, for peace, for hope, for God’s promise of eternal (immortal) life for those who believe in his Son Jesus Christ, who he sent to earth as Mary’s son, her virgin birth. Do it and love God and everyone you meet. Learn how to forgive, let go of negativity, and experience the beauty and love that God wants you to experience. There’s more to my story, of course, and I’ll keep posting, if just for practicing the art of writing a memior. I am a writer, I was a writer before I was a gymnast, martial artist, figure skater, dancer, and I always will be. Christian, angel, loving person. Thats all for now, let me know what you think, and tell me what kind of topic you want me to write about. What questions, about Christianity and about myself, do you want me to answer?