Martial arts are about peace. It is all about the fight to end all fights. Deep stances are important. In shotokan karate, my sensai, Mike Durai said that stances should be deep. Back stance was always hard for me I could never do it to Mike Durai’s standards. There’s more to martial arts than just fighting. It is a spiritual thing. There is nothing wrong with a christian doing martial arts. It is a peaceful art. It is the way of the warrior’s heart. I am a warrior, I am a warrior of Christ, a child of God, an artist in all ways. I want to paint my dreams. I want to have visionary, prophetic dreams and then paint them. I need to buy more paints and a paintbrush. I am a visionary angel. I do battle with demons, and I always win. My martial arts are spiritual. My technique is commanding the demons to leave in Jesus’s name and pleading the blood of Jesus Christ. I am not ashamed of my problems and gifts and insights and ideas. Some of them come from God, I am kind of a prophet. I love martial arts, they make me stronger and I push myself. I have a competition April 25 and the women’s retreat at my church is April 17-19; I am really looking forward to both of those events.
Last night I dreamt I was in a building where there were zombies that had a disease that made them zombies, it was what made them zombies, and a hero showed up (He was a metaphor for Jesus) and was a rebel, then he dissapeared. I chose to rebel and was hanging out with a rebel and then a girl came and we thought she was going to kill us but she just offered us MDMA, a party drug. I said no because I didn’t want to hear voices, but I ended up putting the paper on my tongue anyways, I don’t remember putting it on my tongue, I lapsed and when I came to I noticed a paper on my tongue and I asked if I did the MDMA and the other rebels said yes. Then we had guns and this guy physically grabbed me and I defended myself kind of and then we were looking for the rebel, I said we need to look for Jesus so He can save us. and then I ended up shooting at the head zombies and I blew up their computer and ended up in Jesus’s role: the one who would die to save everybody else (I’m not saying I’m Jesus by the way I failed to save everyone because I am not Jesus) and then I ran and went out the back door and saw a driveway I tried to shoot the gun at the zombies but no bullet came out of the gun and the zombie was right behind me with a gun and I forgot all of my martial arts training and I called on Jesus to help me and I kind of but not completely knew it was a dream and then I woke up. Jesus woke me up so I wouldn’t die in a dream….I don’t know what happens if you die in a dream; I hope I never have to find out. What do you guys think?
What the dream means: I am at war with myself inside. The zombies are my unconscious thoughts. Some of you know that I hear demonic voices. I am schizophrenic. The rebels were so free and represent how I want to be…MDMA represents freedom, the gun represents me taking control of my life, taking my disease (schizophrenia) and my health into my own hands and using nutritional healing to save myself and heal myself..but though the first time I fire the gun it works and has some affect, the gun is useless after that, which represents my struggle with my voices in that I don’t really have a solution for it yet.
I do positive affirmations (I say “I am healthy, I am happy, I am strong, I love my life, I am peaceful, I am smart, I am wise, I love God, I am loved.” and so on), I try to do martial arts while I am hearing voices to take control, I walk around listening to music, I sit or lay down listening to music and try to meditate. Nothing really works, but after 2 hours God usually makes it stop and I find temporary peace.
The dream represents my longing to be close friends with Damon Lythos. I used to think he killed his mom because of the telepathy between me and him, but it turns out the telepathy wasn’t real and it came from both my own mind and God talking with me. God told me with Damon’s voice that He will never give up on me, and that has inspired me and helped me to grow and has given me faith and peace. It is so wondeful to learn that at least my ex-friend is not a murderer, even though he is not christian he is good, and someday he will go to heaven and we will meet again and he will forgive me. As I forgive him for refusing to talk to me and accidentally terrorizing me. Earlier in the night I did, in fact, dream of Damon Lythos, and apologized to him in the dream and then ran away. When I woke up, after making my morning smoothie, I sent Damon a message on facebook, knowing he probably wouldn’t respond…I needed to send it anyways.
That’s all for now, let me know what you think of my dream last night. It woke me up early in the morning (6 am) and then I went back to sleep – only half asleep really – and did some astral projection while fantasizing about seeing Damon again. I felt a tugging at my body and actually walked out of my bedroom (with my body on my bed), went back to my body, settled my spirit in my body, then left my body again and walked out of my room, felt the tugging, and then walked into the bathroom and turned the faucet on. I could see the bathrom. Then I went back to my body, settled, got up to stop myself from further astral projection – because I think it is dangerous and un-christian – and walked into the bathroom and saw that the water was NOT on and therefore a spirit can not turn the water on or off.
Do you believe the lies people told you about God? I tell you this now: God is your heavenly Father, and he loves you and wants to embrace you with open arms. He only wants the absolute best for you, and wants you to hate sin as much as he does. He wants goodness and joy and passion for your life. He wants to bring you freedom from oppression and depression and freedom from all evil forces. He works the bad things that happen to you for your own good…to teach you lessons, to heal you. He wants you to be happy, and is waiting patiently for you to come to him with all of your heart. He is not angry with you. He will not send you to hell to punish you, but to teach you. He will be there for you if you take the time to ask, and he’ll be there for you even when you don’t ask. Don’t believe the lies people tell you about God, that he’s horrifying, or that He doesn’t care about you or watch you, that you can’t live forever with an immortal body, et cetera. It’s not true. What is true is this: God is love, and because he loves you you too can love him and other beings. Be creative and happy and productive and flexible and athletic and be empowered to healthy, positive attitudes and actions and thoughts. Let only good things in, reject all evil in the name of Jesus Christ. Revoke bad thoughts in the name of Jesus Christ. This is not only my word, but maybe God’s word too, through me. You don’t have to keep or hang onto negative thoughts and feelings. Let them go, forgive, and love. The more you reject evil thoughts, the less often they will come. It takes time, so be patient. We are all on a journey to walk with God, and to allow him to fully heal us, to be made whole. I wish the best for all of you reading this, I will be praying for blessings and miracles for your lives. God truly answers prayers, he has answered my prayers many times. Be well. Love you all!
“My advice to you is not to undertake the spiritual path. It is too difficult, too long, and is too demanding. I suggest you ask for your money back, and go home. This is not a picnic. It is really going to ask everything of you. So, it is best not to begin. However, if you do begin, it is best to finish.”
Someone said this to me, in different words. I was on a spiritual journey, looking for God, looking for angels, seeking peace. At the time, I was not yet a christian, but I believed there was SOMETHING MORE. And I was talking with a spiritual man via email, and he told me he thought I have good intuition, but that I shouldn’t pursue spirituality, that I shouldn’t pursue being a shaman (at the time I wanted to become a shaman and guide spirits back to God) , that I should go home and find something normal to learn about. Now I know that shamans are involved in demonic realms, that spirits are demons and that people do not become spirits after they die; they are given a new body after they die and are carried to heaven or hell and then heaven.
This quote is saying, being on a spiritual journey is not a picnic, GO HOME and forget about all things spiritual. I will tell you the opposite. A spiritual journey is a picnic, with good fruit harvested by Jesus. He plants the seeds in us, and the fruit grows and the flowers blossom. Jesus wants to sit with us and have a picnic. However, what the quote IS right about is that it will ask everything of you. God wants all of you, your whole heart, not just part of you. He died for you, so you should – could – live for Him. It is an adventure, a journey, and sometimes it will be hard to avoid sin, and sometimes the devil will try to tempt you and try to oppress you, but in spiritual warfare, God always win. You should go home. Heaven is home, you are just passing through earth, a traveler, waiting for your eternal journey to begin. Being Christian, the journey that being Christian is, will take all of you, and certainly, remember to tithe when you can, and pray and meditate and believe, and read your bible, and pray for the gift of discernment so you can learn to recognize Yahweh’s voice and learn to recognize Jesus’s voice.
It is time for you to consciously start your spiritual journey. Don’t take anything with you; leave the house with just your sandals. Fill your mind with Jesus. You are now on your way home. All of you will be happy, all of you will be at peace. Remember to finish your journey, or, maybe not. The journey never ends, but try not to get off the path of righteousness, try to stay in your walk with God, forever. It might seem hard, but you can do it. All of you is on a spiritual journey, a christian journey, and the journey never ends. Everyone should, and everyone has to, go on this journey. Start it before it ends up being too late, I don’t know if you can really get out of hell but I certainly hope you can.
If I can’t train gymnastics, I’ll watch gymnastics. It will help me to become a better gymnast. I will visualize myself doing back handsprings, back walkovers, and back tucks. I have a gymnastics class on Saturday, I can’t wait. I want to be good at gymnastics. I know I will do gymnastics in heaven. Tomorrow I will lift weights, it will help me to improve my gymnastics. The stronger I am, the easier gymnastics will be. I will leave for the gym at 3. I hate walking to the gym, but I love being there, so I’ll walk to the gym.
I have anxiety about it, too, because I want to be good at it. I love it.
When Jesus died and rose from the dead, God made a new covenant with Isreal. Now “Isreal” means “God’s people” and is not limited to people living in the country Isreal. Sometimes I wonder why God’s Son was called to go to isreal instead of, say, europe, or the americas. Maybe its because thats where most of the Jews were living. Anyways, I am called to write, and be God’s servant and messenger, and to do the things that angels do. And I want you to know, that God completely loves you and completely forgives you of all of your sins. He only wants you to be happy and pure-hearted and I am free spirited and deep and want you to know God’s will for your life. This is the message I am sending anyone who is reading this: God loves you, and his main command is that you love God with all your heart and all your mind and ALL your strength. Ask Jesus to make a home within your heart, and take that home with you everywhere you go, and then you will always have Jesus watching you and taking care of you even when we are showering and thinking maybe bad thoughts and need saving he is there watching us saving us from the devil. Even when I am going to the bathroom I need saving. Remember to take care of yourself. For a long time I forgot but now I am getting back in shape lifting weights and doing dance and martial arts and once my finger heals gymnastics. God isnt against us having passions. Heaven is a real world and we will all go there. Peace and love be with you my brethren, my kindred spirits, you will always have a body, God will give you an immortal body go into the world and make peace and spread God’s love and teach God’s Word. His Word is a Sword to cut away all evil thoughts and all evil people’s actions and penetrate it to spread loving truth. Truth should be spoken gently with love. Read the Bible! Right now I am reading Jeremiah 29 so it might be my inspiration.
The study of martial arts teaches discipline and respect. Sparring and practicing self defense movements with a partner teaches trust. Doing forms repeatedly teaches endurance. Meditation and greeting at the beginning and end of class teaches peace and peacemaking. Enabling warriors to fight the fight to end all fights is a beautiful thing.
Right now I train Taekwondoe and hapkido. I used to train Kung Fu and Shotokan Karate and Kajukenbo and Axe and Uncao Capoeira. I want to train Ooom Yung Doe I trained it for a couple months just got an intro to it. Since I have forever, I want to learn all styles of martial arts and earn black belts in each martial art, except for capoeira which has a radically different belt (cord, they use cords not belits) system, where the highest ranking is white cord (ironic, huh?).
Wu Shu is Chinese for Martial Arts. The study of martial arts saved me from anorexia and self harm. It gave me purpose and dedication and discipline. It helped me become more myself. It reminded me to take care of myself. It will always be one of my passions. The people I met in martial arts I consider them to be a part of my family I trust them and love them. Once I get to heaven I want to start training Kung Fu first, then Oom Yung Doe, then Shotokan Karate, then back to Kung Fu, et cetera.
I just started training martial arts again this week. I injured my finger doing a back handspring drill with a yoga ball and now I have to wait a month or two before I do any gymnastics it is going to teach me how to wait, and that is what God wants me to learn how to do, to wait for something that will definitely happen in the future. Its faith that heaven is real and that God will give me the ability to do gymnastics. I never thought I would ever get an aerial, but I did. I never thought I’d be able to stand up from a back bend, but I did. Not consistently, but for like five times, one of them I fell as soon as I stood up. I also got close to getting my back handspring: there is a huge soft mat at my new martial arts dojo and I used it to work on front and back handsprings. Both of them aren’t quite there yet and need a lot of work. Which I will do once my finger heals.
Sometimes insanity – tripping balls – wakes you up. It wakes you up to a different reality, a more real reality than sober, Godless drones that go from high to high with no real meaning, no lucid dreaming, no prayer, no visions, no healing, no being made whole. Sometimes insanity wakes you up. It frees you. The new you begins to form. Its tranquil, when the tripping is positive and productive. When I dont take my antipsychotics, its always a bad trip. That’s something that needs to change: I want to have beautiful, loving, kind, explosive visions that wake me up and give me some image to paint, some words to write, a body to flip with. Sometimes insanity makes you a better, kinder person. It wakes you up and frees you from the blaze norm. I am not a normal person. I never will be. I will, however, always be an angel.
I don’t want to be trapped in a dreamland. Dreaming is great, but I want to be sober and awake, balanced and centered and stable and safe.
The beginning of a novel. I was dreaming, things were happening. Weird things, different landscapes of different worlds that weren’t real. I know that heaven and earth are real. I want to be grounded in reality, in God’s reality, safe in his kind, loving arms.